I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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