see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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