I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
