My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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