High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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