Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
