she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
