I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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