A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
