I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
