It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
