you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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