did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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