i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
