so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
