My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
