He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im having a threesome with these popsicles
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
