Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
