the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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