well you can't waste a boner
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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