The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
