Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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