Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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