I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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