So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
