no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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