Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
