It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
