Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
