Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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