Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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