So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
