I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
