i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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