If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
