so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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