i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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