I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
