My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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