Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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