My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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