neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
