when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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