Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
