elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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