oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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