Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
