Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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