New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
