he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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