I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
