We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
