I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
