can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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