All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
