It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
