I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Text me some of your sweat
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