i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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