Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
