Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
