I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
