Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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