what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
