I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize