Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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