Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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