"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
