When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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