You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
