It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
