I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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