i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
