its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
