good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
