Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
