based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
