You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
